So over the past few months I’ve been (unsuccessfully) trying my hand at online dating. One of the things I wanted to focus on is dating men outside of my norm – clearly my “type” hasn’t been working for me or I wouldn’t be in a perpetual state of singleness. I’ve talked to and been on dates with all kinds of men, with the exception of one… a white man. I really hadn’t given it a second thought. I really never though I was the kind of black woman white men found attractive.
Recently a white man emailed me a very nice hello. He concluded his message with a question – “Are you into white guys?”
Hmm… interesting question. And I really didn’t have an answer. Sure, there are white men that I find attractive (Benedict Cumberbatch and his beautiful eyes come to mind…) but I’ve never seen myself dating one. That got me to thinking, “why?”
The other night, the answer came to me. In the rare instance I dream of a future where I have kids, I always picture my kids as pretty brown-skinned babies. I’ve lived my life as a light-skinned black and I know how difficult it can be to be hated on by whites and darker skinned blacks and I wanted my kids to have a chance to be accepted by other blacks. (I have little hope that the non-black world will actually see blacks of any shade as equals.) And how does a girl of my -shade get a pretty brown-skinned baby? By having children with a dark skinned man. Not that that is any guarantee… My aunt married a dark skinned man and her kids are light skinned… but at least they had a chance!
What bothered me most about this is that I seem to have let some unknown society drive me to make a life decision that is based on a what if. I need to look again and decide whether this is really worth turning away from 3/4 of the men on earth so some hypothetical kids will have a smoother time of things. There are no guarantees they would (childhood was hard when I was a kid – social media has made if freakin awful!). And at 36, my chances for breed are somewhat diminished.
So the answer to the guy’s question is that I haven’t been, but now that my mind is open, things can change.